In the past I have had to make journals way too many times apologizing for being gone, and talking about how I'm back with vigor. But this isn't one of those journals.
If the few who pay any attention to me haven't noticed, I went from a buzz of activity over the course of about 5-6 months, to nothing at all. No replies to comments, no new work on my projects, even got booted out of a group for not doing anything. The only thing that has continued have been the daily submissions, and even that was a bit of a struggle.
Things happened, things I really didn't think would impact me. But I stopped doing things, stopped caring. I finally realized that it was having an impact on my life, and I have had to come to terms with it. I don't really think I have yet, and I find it hard to even write this (I've been putting this off for days). Long story short we found out my grandfather (who I live with) has skin cancer. In one regard it wasn't a shock, he worked outside in construction his whole life, and is permanently darker then he was as a youth. But it still was a shock to the system, one I couldn't even repeat to anyone.
At first it was one little spot, then with more testing they found it had spread all over, including his lungs and liver. Its hard to type even now, and even harder to admit its happening. This man has been in my life as long as I can remember, as my mom, sister, and myself moved in with them not too long after I was born. He colon cancer some 10+ years back, and recently was diagnosed with Parkinsons. And now this, and the thought of losing the man keeps me up nightly. Life just wouldn't be the same.
I don't want to use him or whats happened as an excuse, but in reality its what stopped me dead in my tracks. All I could do was take photos, it was like therapy for me. In that regard I have over 200 photos to edit (that is 200 selected out of about 1600, which was cut down from over 2000), and went and shot over 1200 photos yesterday at the zoo. I even got another new lens, the Canon EF 85mm f/1.8 which I used at the Dallas Zoo yesterday.
I don't want to let this bring me down like it has, my grandfather would beat me for that. I need to let this be a reminder to live, and get on with life. This shows how bad life can get, and that we don't have forever to do it. I am about to be 26 and need to get a move on. I like to think that I am on the right track, or at least heading in that way now. I am working on building my photography company, and also redoing ApertureSeven to be the beast I know it can be. While I am not in CRPhotography anymore I still want to do the Camera Science With Corey articles, and even videos based on them.
I am sorry for how things went, so many people were behind me in some of the things I was doing around here, and I let them down. Hopefully that all changes now.
And for those who actually read through this whole thing, I have a few bonuses for you; a preview of the new ApertureSeven as its being built, and some sample shots from the new 85mm from the zoo yesterday.
Where to view the new code as I write it: SiteBuild.ApertureSeven.com
These photos from my day at the zoo are not edited; no added sharpness, saturation, level adjustment, or added contrast, just a bit of cropping because I am OCD like that. It blows me away the colors and sharpness this lens gets, and the second of the snake was shot through fairly dirty smudged up glass, and in very low light.
Oh and why not another bonus; more unedited shots from the zoo, this time with my new Tamron 70-300mm f/4-5.6
Even normal standard subjects seem to stand out in this Deviants Gallery, everything from little insects to beautiful water drops. It was one of those lucky little finds that makes stumbling through the forums all worth it.